FEATURED ADVENTURERS:
The Great Klardini - High Elf Wizard - Level 1: Recently slept through the dungeon of Bellview. Older than dirt, he's slowly remembering how magic works.
Varian Bloomstrike - Eladrin Paladin - Level 2: Knight of spring, recently obtained wealth from saving Bellview with his party. Seeks to establish a base of operations.
Afik Bonefinger - Mountain Dwarf Fighter - Level 2: Former sailor overcoming fear of water; requires being put in a crate to not panic on ocean voyages.
Mox - Goblin Ranger - Level 2: Former alias is "The Poop Child" for throwing feces at politicians. New alias is "The Acorn Kid" for slingshoting acorns and slaying foes to save Bellview from a cult... also helped birth a kraken... from a woman... it was weird.
All of a sudden, the Great Klardini sits bolt upright and wakes up—well, not too all of a sudden. His sudden-ness is delayed because he’s older than some civilizations. Some of a sudden, the Great Klardini sits bolt upright and wakes up!
"Hey, we should make a business or something!" Uther says, then passes out next to Klardini. The rest of the adventurers assume Uther has returned his consciousness to the heavenly plane from which he came from. Or hellish plane. They’re not sure what he is, exactly.
"What a terrible time to fall asleep! These people are lazy these days,” Klardini says.
“Well, let’s discuss,” Varian says, getting down to the business of setting up a business.
“What are we talking about?” Klardini says.
“I think the new building should look like a boat! But not in the water!” Afik says, which… makes sense?
“A houseboat?” Klardini says.
“A themed base!” Afik clarifies.
“Like a tree boat?” Klardini says.
What?
“Do you remember Spy Kids? Think Spy Kids?” Afik says.
“Is that the epic tale that bard told last weekend? Roberto Rodriguezo?” Varian says. “But we're all adults! Especially this guy!” He points to Klardini.
“I'm all out of ideas,” Afik says.
Varian loses his temper. “We've done nothing, and we're all out of ideas! Is this where we want to set up shop? Where the fuck are we? Before we buy property, is this the town we want to work from?”
They survey their surroundings—Semnu Island is a decent place to start an adventure, but it constantly requires paying for boat passage. It also has a randomly generated feel about it, so maybe a different base of operations with a more published vibe would better suit them.
“We could always horde our stuff unless we find another place,” Varian says, “Or find a location that moves, like a boat on the land but in the water.”
“Or an airship!” Afik says. “I could do an airship as long as it doesn't fly over water!”
They think about this airship-but-not-over-the-water idea. They think about this while standing on an island. They don’t think about this for long.
“I'll cross that bridge when I get to it,” Afik says, having recently crossed a bridge in the previous episode. “I'm not as afraid of water as I once was.”
“I don't think I want to purchase property on this island. It's going to be expensive. Is it a volcano? Will there be more island?” Varian says, knowing that the only way for the current real estate bubble to burst would be for the island to actually burst.
“I'm more of a big city kind of guy,” Mox says, still wondering why they aren’t in the city of Waterdeep where this whole season was supposed to take place anyways.
“We're in agreement that we need to set up some kind of business merger. We have all this treasure, and we're pretty good at getting more,” Varian says, forgetting the part where they almost all died.
“Why don't we sell everything into cash so it's easier to travel with?” Klardini says, knowing that cash is king at the moment.
Everyone considers liquidating assets. Afik gets a little scared until they tell him that “liquidate” has nothing to do with the ocean or actual liquids, unless the assets being liquidated are already liquid.
“It would be easier to carry a few pouches of gold rather than several shipping containers worth of stuff,” Mox says.
“Let's liquidate—we had some acorns to sell,” Varian says.
Klardini considers liquidating his scrolls into his spellbook, so he prices out how much it costs to copy his comprehend languages scroll into the book. He sees that it costs 50 gp to do so, then shouts, “It costs money!? Never mind!”
Everyone realizes that Klardini is broke, whereas they all have quest rewards.
“Klardini doesn't get a full share since he slept through it!” Afik says, holding onto his share of the booty.
“I was there!” Klardini says.
“We had to drag you through battle!”
“You got to drag me through battle!”
Varian proposes a proposal, “Well we can split it four ways and not tell Uther because he passed out.”
They all agree to let Klardini spend Uther’s money. Yay, teamwork!
Afik knows the dwarves in Semnu Island, so he sets out to hock their wares. After a risky roll with the d20, he rolls well and ends up obtaining 16% more sales for the meat, rum, and sugar they were given as quest rewards for the Kraken’s birthday party. Each of them receives 301 gp and 7 sp! Afik tells everyone that he made the sale by “just believing in luck,” as he happened to bump into another dwarf who was in the market—and the dwarf was a little shorter than him. Afik had supper with the dwarf, came back, and bartered a really good deal with the dwarf for their wares. He even spent the night with the dwarf!
The adventurers, excited for their profit, then proceed to rip Afik to shreds.
“This sounds like you went on a date with him!” Varian says.
“Is that why you are called Bonefinger?” Klardini says.
“It wasn't a date!” Afik says.
“You are a sailor,” Klardini points out.
“We had a nice night!” Afik argues. “What are you implying, sir?”
“Back in my day, we called that GAY!” Klardini says.
“He did compliment me a lot,” Afik ponders. “It was kind of weird—he kept brushing my beard.”
“Ah yes. Dwarven mating rituals,” Klardini mutters.
After hearing about Afik working his magic, the adventurers visit various ware-mongers around the island to spend their hardly earned gold to gear up for the next outing.
Klardini rebuilds his lost spellbook by purchasing a scroll of frostbite and a scroll of jump. Varian and Afik each pick up a potion of healing and potion of greater healing. Afik then grabs a sturdy set of chainmail. Klardini grumbles as he takes his three scrolls: jump, frostbite, and comprehend languages, and scrawls them into his spellbook. When they’re done shopping, they all camp out at the Sorcerous Maiden for a bit.
Mox is looking for a way to make a quick buck, which he begins by spending some gold at the tavern getting drunk—as one does. Most good ideas happen when you’re drunk!
As he gulps another brew, a disheveled human boy dashes into the tavern. The boy is out of breath, and he locks eyes with Mox. “Are you Mr. Mox, sir? I'm looking for a young goblin.”
Mox looks around to make sure none of the Poop Child wanted posters are up. “You have found him,” he says, warily.
The kid hands an envelope to Mox. Curious, Mox tips the courier boy with a silver piece.
“I got a silver piece tip from the Acorn Kid!” the child shouts, then runs out of the tavern.
“That's a way better nickname,” Mox sighs. “People are starting to figure it out.”
He looks at the envelope—the beautiful wax seal is imprinted with the sigil of his home city, Waterdeep: Department of Holdings and Properties and Stuff. Is that where this kid came from? Did he come from Waterdeep, just like Mox?
“That kid came a long way for just a silver piece!” Mox says, then tears open the letter.
According to the letter, Mox has a family! He never knew he had a family—all his life, he had been an orphan! Hooray! He reads the letter. Apparently, his last surviving relative is his great uncle, Sir Brigford the Wise, and according to the letter, Sir Brigford just passed away.
Mox found out he has a family, and now they’re all dead!
The papers show an old charter, complete with his family tree. Since he was his great uncle’s only remaining relative, all of his great uncle’s possessions are now his! Yay! Death! Apparently his great uncle owned the estate of one of Mox’s ancestors, Sir Amoxi the Cold—who was buried with a ring and a fabled sword. Legally, these possessions belong to Mox—and the ring is rumored to open a passage to the Feywild.
Mox is ecstatic that he has noble heritage! Robbing this grave would be the easiest heist ever since he doesn’t even need to pull a heist—the corpse’s loot is his by the laws of Waterdeep! Mox looks through the family tree and sees that Sir Amoxi the Cold died 250 years ago. Mox can think of only one person who was alive back then…
Mox pays up his tab and turns to find the Great Klardini, who is conveniently sitting right next to him.
“Hello little Poop Child,” Klardini says.
“They call me the Acorn Kid now.”
“Who calls you that?”
“Everyone!”
“Oh... I'm glad that first nickname didn't stick. So, Child of Acorns, what may I do for you?”
“Apparently my super long lost relative, Amoxi the Cold… Do you know him?” Mox says, assuming all old people must be friends, even the dead ones.
Klardini thinks really hard, and by think really hard, he rolls a 20 on a History check.
“Amoxi the Cold was a young whipper-snapper who fought with Sir Chyde against the Cold Prince! What else do you want to know?” Klardini says.
“Young whipper snapper? He died of old age!”
“Well, I hear you poop children don't live very long.”
“Well, he's dead, and I'm apparently the scion of his line!” Mox says.
“Oh you look just like him!” Klardini says.
“Well I want to go get his stuff!”
“You mean your stuff?”
“YES!” Mox shouts gladly.
Klardini stands up with a creak of his elf bones. “Let's go! Say nothing more, Child of the Acorns. Where's my steed?”
They go outside and see Varian standing around planting acorns.
“Good news!” Mox says. “We are going on an adventure to retrieve my long-lost stuff! If you help out, I'll give you some of it!”
“So where are we going?” Varian says, planting another acorn around the tree he thinks is Domri.
Mox points at the map he always carries. They’ll be sailing on a two week’s journey at least—into the remote wilderness.
Varianis from the Feywild, so he's familiar with the war against the Cold Prince. It was a common topic in paladin school. He indulges everyone with the tale—mentioning how hundreds of years ago in the Feywild, the Cold Prince set out to extend his reach from the Lands of Winter to cover the Feywild in snow and ice for eternity. Sir Chyde rose up against him with an army of mortals, and they beat back the Cold Prince’s forces. Sir Chyde was rumored to have fallen in love with a woman called the Lady of the Wood, and the two pledged their hearts to each other, exchanging rings of engagement. The Cold Prince was defeated, but not before Sir Chyde was slain in the final battle.
“Some say the Lady of the Wood wanders the wilderness to this very day in search of Sir Chyde!” Varian ends the tale.
“Dang...” Mox says. “Well, I'll go get my stuff!”
Varian starts prepping as well. “I should go leave a note—I'll forward my mail since this might be a while. Put Afik in the crate!”
Afik sighs and prepares himself for shipping. “I pooped in the last crate. Do you have some tranquilizers?”
“You can be the new Poop Child! That name is open now!” Klardini says.
“Just because you're short doesn't mean you're a child,” Varian reminds him.
“I'm not short!” Afik shouts. “You're all just tall! This is the kind of lack of respect I get everywhere I go! Short this! Short that!”
“Put him in the crate!” Varian shouts.
“I'll get in peacefully this time...” Afik grumbles, then crawls into his shipping crate so that his nerves will be calm when crossing the sea.
The adventurers pool their gold together since they will need to do a two week journey directly to the site of Mox’s inheritance. They charter a boat with Captain Swamu, a Kinchasan man who offers a full package deal, straight there and back, for 80 gold pieces. They spruce up Afik's crate so that he can enjoy his transit better by packing some soil with grass and for him to poop in. Varian adds a flower and an empty jar for however Afik sees fit to use it. They decide to put Uther into the crate with Afik as well—as a night light, to keep Afik from getting scared. They tap Uther on the head, and he glows brightly!
They meet with Captain Swamu again. “Are you ready to set sail for this cemetery of yours?” the captain says. “Do not worry—we will get you there no problem!”
“Good because we paid for the safe kind of trip,” Mox says, not wanting to purchase a dangerous trip.
Captain Swamu turns to the ship and waves his hands—a glimmer of enchantment sparkles over the boat as he casts a protection spell. The adventurers board the boat and set sail.
After the first five days, they decide now must be a good time to check on their two crated friends.
“Anybody out there!?” Afik shouts from the crate in panic.
“He's got the ocean madness!” Varian shouts.
Afik beats on the roof of the crate. “Uther won't wake up and he won’t turn off! He won't turn the light off, so I can't go to sleep!” Afik cries.
Klardini opens the crate, and a laser-like light shoots out!
Uther’s lumens levels must have grown over the past couple of days—is this how aasimars level up? All the plants in Afik’s nightsoil have grown quickly, and Afik is more tan than usual. They dump out the poop and recrate Afik.
“Give me a bag to put over Uther!” Afik shouts as they close the lid.
They instead put a bag over the crate entirely.
Nine days later…
“Hey is Uther okay?” Varian says, taking the bag off the crate and opening it.
“HE WON'T WAKE UP AND HE WON'T TURN OFF!” Afik snarls, crawling out of the abnormally bright crate and crying.
They let him collapse on the deck of the ship.
As they approach their destination, they see snow. Varian knows this ain't natural, but the phenomenon is not new to him. He's a spring eladrin, not a winter eladrin. Varian divine senses, detecting nothing devious. Klardini uses detect magic, and he deduces that conjuration magic is saturated in the cold air.
They pull up to a small, snow-covered dock. Only a tiny cabin rests near it, and a trail leads from the dock into the snow-capped forest ahead. The sun is in the sky, but the gray clouds cover it completely.
“Yes, you're right, there is magic in the breeze,” Klardini says. “It's from the school of conjuration. Yep, yep, conjuration.” He tastes a snowflake… definitely conjurated! Not natural!
“What does that mean? That someone is making the snow with magic?” Varian says.
“It's 80 degrees outside—of course someone is making the snow with magic!” Klardini says.
“Well, we should follow that direct path then,” Mox says, looking at his map and the trail through the trees.
“How long will you be gone?” Captain Swamu says. He doesn’t want to wait around if they all die.
“We don't know...” Valour says, then gives an extra 20 gp for the captain to stay. "We don't know what we're getting into, so we might come out hot.”
Captain Swamu examines the snow. “I don't think anything will come out hot from this place.”
Varian falls down laughing at the joke.
Mox has been studying the map for 14 days, so he leads the way, the rest of his adventurers tailing behind. As they march through the trail, Afik spots a ghostly owl staring at him from a high branch. He sees the owl. The owl sees him. The owl sees deep, deep, into him. Afik falls down unconscious.
“What happened?” Mox says, shoving Afik with a foot.
“The boy finally gave out. He's so sleepy,” Klardini says. “Wake up, child!”
“He must have caught the Uther,” Varian says.
“Sleep madness!” Mox assumes.
“Just in case... I will... give him a little...” Varian casts spare the dying on Afik, but the dwarf wakes up, not dying and already spared.
“Oh! What happened!?” Afik says.
“Did you just die?” Klardini says.
“I just fainted,” Afik says.
“Did you get any sleep?” Klardini says.
“I couldn't! There was a light on the whole time!” Afik rages. “Let's get this over with... did you guys see that bird?”
“What bird?” Mox says.
Afik looks around for the bird again, and he sees that it isn't there. Surely he saw a bird! And the bird saw him! And he saw the bird seeing him!
“I think I was seeing things,” Afik says.
“Do you have bird madness?” Mox says.
"I suppose we should continue on our trail!” Afik shouts, mad but not madness-mad.
“I'm not a stranger to knocking on death's door. I've been outrunning that fiend for a while now,” Klardini says.
Varian casts spare the dying on Klardini as well just in case.
After an hour’s walk, the adventurers see a trap door spring open from the middle of the path—out pop four goblins. They’re loaded with backpacks, satchels, and small nets—mushroom gathering gear? Everyone ducks behind a snowbank before the goblins can see them. Mox draws his bow and nocks an arrow and points it at the goblins. It’s not a hate crime if he does it!
“Don’t kill them right away. We're just gonna talk to them,” Mox whispers.
“WHAT?” Klardini shouts, and the four goblins all stop to look at the adventurers.
“NO! MUSRHOOMS! NO!” the four goblins shout, then start spitting on the ground in unison.
Mox notices the goblins are light blue with violet eyes, unlike any other goblins he’s ever met. Varian knows them as frost goblins—creatures from the Feywild. He tells this to Mox.
“You don't belong here!” Mox says, which is kind of racist. Jerk.
Klardini casts comprehend languages and hears that the goblins are chatting back in forth in the goblin and sylvan tongues.
Varian hears what the goblins are saying in sylvan. Mox hears what they’re saying goblin. Klardini hears both.
Afik hears only noise.
“You are far from home. What’s the source of this coldness?” Varian says.
“Put weapons down, and we talk!” the goblins shout at him.
Mox lowers his bow.
One of the frost goblins steps up. By the looks of him, he’s clearly drunk. “We merchants of Frostlands—here in mortal world for seek rare nightfruits! For market!”
“Why are you running around scared?” Varian says.
“Because you point weapon at us!” the goblin says.
“Is there a camp nearby?” Varian says.
“Bought spell—to lead here from Feywild!” the goblin says, looking at the trap door.
“So this doorway leads to the Feywild?” Varian says.
They nod their heads. "To the Frostland!"
“Amoxi the Cold?” Mox says.
The goblins all stop and look at him, warily.
“You know him?” Mox says.
They all nod their heads.
“Is his grave on this side or… that side?” Mox says, pointing at the trap door.
The goblins point down the path cleared path—towards the direction the adventurers were already heading.
“This spell that you have... will it close?” Varian says.
“In one hour,” the goblin says.
“Didn't your great grandpappy have a ring that we can open to the Feywild anyway?” Klardini says, looking at Mox.
“Are you using my ring!?” Mox shouts.
They show their hands—they’re wearing mittens.
“Let me see your fingers!” Mox says.
The goblins do so, then they jump back into their trapdoor portal. Afik jumps at the final goblin, but the goblin ducks into the trapdoor and casts sleep on Afik before the door closes. Once it closes, it disappears entirely. Only cold snow remains.
“He has sleeping madness!” Mox says, looking at Afik, who looks very content right now to finally be asleep.
Klardini slaps Afik, waking him up.
“I was having the best dream! I was in the box, and the light was off! IT WAS OFF!” Afik groans.
They arrive at their destination—a large stone mortuary with a large stone door in front of its large stone opening. In front of the mortuary are six large stones, each jutting out of the ground like a large stone hinge kind of ritual circle nonsense. As the adventurers approach the stone circle, they hear mumbling coming from the center of the circle.
Afik rolls really high on a History check with stonecunning.
“I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS STONE RIGHT HERE! THIS MAKES ME FEEL SO TALL! TELL ME WHAT I KNOW!” Afik shouts at the Dungeon Master.
Afik knows that these whything stones are used and built by the Drunes, which are druidic ancient nomads that live in the Material world but worship various entities from the Feywild, and they use these stones for rituals that sometimes contain human sacrifice. The stones can also be summoned into existence by the Drune people as well. Afik informs everyone about this knowledge.
“That was a very well-informed thing you told us—I'm impressed,” Klardini says.
“Let us go upon these stones and see what we're looking for!” Afik says.
They approach the stones and—yep, there’s a sacrifice going on. Two Drunic men in robes are standing around a woman strapped to an altar. Didn’t they just deal with something like this in Bellview? Dang rituals.
Klardini still has his comprehend languages spell going, so he understands what the men are saying.
“They're giving the woman up to the Big Chook of Lake Longmere,” Klardini translates. “She volunteered to die… should we let her die?”
“You think so? It is a natural thing for these rocks. They are used for human sacrifice,” Afik reminds everyone about what he knows.
“Everything needs to be used as its purpose,” Klardini says, stepping up to the ritual.
One of the old, Drunic men looks at the older elf. “Would you like to assist?” he says, handing Klardini a bronze jar.
“Please take this, old wise elf, and place it beneath Briar-Anne,” the man says, pointing to the woman on the altar.
Klardini does so, and Varian casts divine sense. He detects nothing. But his paladin sense of good and not-so-good and all-around spookiness sits unwell with him. He’s not all into this human sacrifice stuff—the winter people of the Feywild are weird, and he doesn’t care who knows!
“This doesn't seem good,” Varian says.
“It goes with what I know ABOUT THE ROCKS!” Afik argues.
“Are they trying to make a baby kraken because I'm pretty good at that,” Mox says, having gone one for one on delivering baby krakens.
“Ah, how wondrous, child of spring—it is time for rebirth, after all,” one of the Drunes says.
“What ritual are you trying to accomplish?” Varian interrogates the man.
“We are sending this young woman to the Big Chook of Lake Longmere,” the Drune explains.
“It's a traveling ritual!” Klardini says. “Does sending her there require slaying her?”
“Yes,” the Drune says, matter-of-factly.
Varian ain’t never heard of no Big Chook or Lake Longmere nonsense before—he would have to ask his sister about those things since she’s an eladrin of winter. Until then, the ritual still reeks of bullshittery to him.
“Have you committed a crime and/or are you a willing sacrifice?” Varian says to the woman tied to the altar.
“She is willing,” the Drune man says.
“I'M ASKING HER!” Varian shouts at the man, then turns back to the woman. “You, ma'am? Are you okay with dying to go to the Great Chook or whatever?”
“Do not rescue me,” the woman says.
“Can someone check and see if this woman is under some kind of enchantment?” Varian says.
“Nope!” Klardini says. He’s busy holding the jar.
“She seems extremely happy about this!” Afik says, pointing out the woman’s blissful countenance.
“Yeah, but Tasha's hideous laughter makes you laugh a lot,” Varian says.
“What do I do with this jar,” Klardini asks the Drunes, tired of sitting around doing nothing.
“Hold it under her neck,” one of the Drunes instructs him.
“Like this?” Klardini says.
Varian storms off, ripshit mad that everyone else is allowing this to happen.
“Perfect,” the Drune says.
The second Drune raises his hands up and announces, “We need everyone except for the three of us and the elf to step out of the circle.”
“What? Why?” Afik says, stepping out of the circle.
“For the ritual…” the Drune says, producing a silver knife.
The Drunes stand on either side of the woman, who is still smiling. The one with the knife lowers it to her throat and pulls it across. Afik is shocked beyond all means.
“I did not see that coming!” Afik says, hiding behind one of the whything stones.
“It will take about ten minutes to fully drain,” the Drune says to Klardini.
“That's a lot of blood for this little vase!” Klardini says, seeing that the blood keeps filling up the vase, but never overspills. Within no time, the vase fills up—an extradimensional sort of vessel, apparently.
“Thank you, dear elder elf,” the Drune says, bowing to Klardini and taking the vessel. “If you find Lake Longmere, you may find Big Chook himself and maybe dance with Lady Briar-Anne.”
With those final words, the Drunes depart into the wilderness, not a single drop of blood spilled on the white snow. The dead body of Lady Briar-Anne lies motionless on the altar.
Klardini loots her corpse and finds nothing.
“All right! Where to next, Mox? This is your weird culture,” Klardini says, staring at the goblin and the Feywild-born eladrin.
“Before we do this!” Varian says, staying away from the altar. “Where did you get this paper from, Mox?”
Mox shows him the letter from Waterdeep. “It says I'm entitled to this.”
“If you can find it... that's kind of the rules of the real world anyways,” Varian says.
They step up to the mortuary and examine it. The large stone dome still has a large stone blocking the way. Afik and Klardini shove the rock blocking the passage aside, revealing a stone staircase leading down into the dark.
As they enter, they come across a small room with four objects lying in each of the four corners: a dusty old tome, a mildewed holy symbol, a pewter cherub statue, and a candle. Klardini, ever the valiant reader, approaches the book—he touches it, and all four of the objects rise into the air.
The adventurers then promptly get assaulted by these objects.
Books smash into people’s heads, candles drip hot wax on people’s faces, pewter cherubs clobber people in the gut, and the holy symbol stabs at Klardini—it eats away his spell slots with each impact! Mox tries his best to shoot the objects with his bow, but he can’t land a shot as his teammates struggle to fight the accessories.
“I own this place now!” Mox shouts, missing another shot.
“I've gotta take this book down!” Afik shouts, chopping at the floating book with his battle axes.
“Not my book!” Klardini shouts.
“I hate reading! I can't see the words!” Afik shouts, trying to kill the literature. “I'll read you in hell!”
Afik gets clobbered by the book and fails a saving throw, succumbing to book madness! Varian gathers the objects around him and shouts word of radiance to damage everything, but it’s still not enough—eventually the adventurers annihilate the objects one at a time, and the objects explode into clouds of noxious gas that paralyzes some of the adventurers.
Klardini drops to the ground, coughing from the mold in the air.
“You need to get someone to clean up in here!” Klardini says.
Mox moseys down the hallway of the old tomb, finding a room with a mirror in it. There’s an empty plinth in front of the mirror—he passes it quickly, Afik in tow, and they find a room with seven stone statues of soldiers. Each soldier is carrying an ornate weapon—one of them, a sword, shows up as being magically enchanted after Klardini casts detect magic. There’s also a mural on the wall which also appears enchanted. Oh, and that mirror in the room from earlier is enchanted! Everything is enchanted!
It's like a Disney movie!
Mox scrapes the mold off the mural, revealing a beautiful scene: Sir Chyde himself charging into battle with two hunting hounds at his side—an army of fey soldiers set against him. In his right hand, he wields a longsword with wavy blood grooves, surrounded by a white glow—which matches the magic sword carried by the statue! The name of one of his hounds is “Chedyr” according to the name on its collar.
Neat!
This will surely serve a purpose later!
That’s when the spectral vision appears!
Mox freaks out when he notices that a woman is staring at the mural next to him! She’s a fair maiden with long, flowing, blond hair and a white robe—upon her brow sits a star. She turns to him.
“The ring is the key to my salvation…” she utters, then disappears.
Poof! Spooky!
I hope that didn’t scare you too much!
Afik takes the sword from the statue—true enough, it looks like Sir Chyde’s sword in the painting. Cool, new sword! Afik then grabs all the weapons from the statues and lays them all down for people to see. Klardini takes a spear with a serrated blade. Afik finds a battle axe engraved with a horse’s head handle. He dunks all of the gear into the bag of holding for later.
They leave the room with the statues, and as Varian passes by the room with the mirror, he looks at his reflection and faints—the mirror is cursed!
Nobody else looks at the mirror, and Klardini takes Varian’s bag of holding while they stash him away somewhere safe, like in front of a magic mirror! That way if someone comes by to kidnap him, they will also see their reflections and take a nap with him.
“Did you guys see that vision by the way?” Mox says. “A lady appeared to me and said, ‘the ring is the key to my salvation,’ so let's go find that ring!”
From the room with the mirror, they follow a set of stairs further down and enter a quiet, solemn room—a shimmering pool of water covers the ground, and a statue of a maiden in the center of the pool is carved of white marble. She has long, flowing hair and a robe—a star is upon her brow. Floating around them in mid air are ghostly candles.
Afik runs forward to check the statue of the lady, and Klardini shoves him aside with a natural 20 for a 25. Klardini babbles about who she is (he’s wrong), and in the middle of his nonsense, they all realize they are standing on a frozen lake.
Did they just go through a portal?
Are they in another dimension?
The sky in this wintry glade glistens, and a purple crack is sliced in jagged marks across the stars themselves. The bitter cold pierces them, and two feet of deep, pristine, crunchy snow blankets the area around the lake. Snowflakes drift gently down, and jutting from the center of the frozen lake is a white marble tower. A solid, polished cherry door with black, iron fittings dominates the bottom of the tower, and frost-patterned windows bedeck the tower in rings three floors tall. The candles still loom behind the goblin, the elf, and the dwarf.
“I suppose we should check out that tower over there?” Afik says.
They go to the wood, studded door, and it opens up to reveal a frost goblin! This goblin is well dressed, wearing a tuxedo. He’s like a little goblin butler!
The goblin butler looks at them—his eyes are droopy and unamused. “Names?” he says, in common.
“I am the Great Klardini!”
The goblin looks at a clipboard. “I don't see that name on the list, and you sir?” the goblin turns to Mox.
“I am Mox, Scion of Amoxi the Cold, come to claim my birthright,” he says—bold!
The goblin looks at him and mutters, "Hrmm... you do favor Amoxi the Cold—though you are green...” the goblin turns to Afik. “And you?”
“I am Afik Bonefinger, and I know a lot about these rocks. I should be on the list!” he says, pointing at the marble tower.
The goblin looks again at his clipboard with a lazy, solemn glance. “I don't have you on the list… but…” he smirks. “I'll let you in if you eat one of these.” He reaches into a pouch on his belt and produces a bright mushroom.
“What is it?” Afik says.
Mox snatches the mushroom before Afik can and eats it—no questions asked. His stomach rumbles, and he struggles as his bones stretch! Soon Mox is six feet tall—the size of a tall human! He’s a medium-sized creature now!
“Don’t worry,” the goblin butler says. “It will only last for six minutes.”
Afik and Klardini both grab a mushroom and eat. Delicious!
Afik gets warm, fuzzy feeling deep inside—like he’s hugging a gigantic, soft teddy bear. The next time he has to make a saving throw, he will automatically succeed on the roll. Awesome! This place is wonderful! There are rocks to stare at, fuzzy feelings to feel, ancestral items to obtain, and the goblin butler is short!
Klardini’s eyes shrivel up, disappear, and he is now blind. Neat! Neat?
“You may now come in,” the goblin says.
Klardini doesn’t come in. “… Where am I?”
“Give it a minute. Your eyes will come back,” the goblin says.
“What do you mean ‘they will come back?’”
Mox gives Klardini a tapping stick to find his way around until his eyes return.
“Yes, the goblin nightfruits are quite nice,” the goblin says.
“Where do you get them?” Klardini says.
“From the Material woods. We have people to fetch them for us,” the goblin says, looking at a pocket watch. “Your eyes should be returning in 3... 2... 1...”
Klardini’s eyes return—they are now in the palm of his hands instead of in his face. This displeases him greatly.
"Holy crap! Fix this! Fix this! This is awful! Fix this! This is the worst!” Klardini panics, waving his hands around and dropping his tapping stick—it hurts to hold things! “Give me another mushroom! Give me another mushroom!”
Klardini grabs another mushroom and eats it. All hair on his body bursts forward, growing ten feet in length.
This also displeases him.
“I've lived on this planet forever, and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me! Oh no! Mox just got bigger! I got eyes on my hands! What is this!? I can't even cut my own hair because I've got eyes and hair on my hands! I write for a living! How am I supposed to write like this!?”
Klardini eats another mushroom, and his Wisdom score goes up by one! That should make him calmer, right?
“What about my freakin' eyes! I don't care about your Wisdom. How do I fix my eyes!?” Klardini says, then crawls over towards Mox, staring at him with his own two hands. “Your quest is gonna have to take a little side quest real fast!”
“I have one more mushroom,” the goblin butler says.
Klardini gobbles it down—just like Mox, he grows to a larger height. At this point, and ancient, 13-foot tall, Rapunzel-like haired elf with eyeballs on his hands is crying on the floor of the magic elf tower.
“There's gotta be a fix for this! This is unacceptable!” Klardini shouts.
“What is that freak in the hallway!” Afik says, turning around to see his comrade.
Klardini shrieks into the darkness, "I'm a monsteeeeer!!!"
